[ it's hard not to insinuate that that man should just jump off a cliff, but it's what he wants to do. He gives Dextera a gentle squeeze.]
He has always needed you and always had power over you... Even from my limited view in that place... I knew. Your dynamic is unchanging. Only your awareness has grown.
[ the way sinistra puts it is so accurate that dextera flinches. it’s true. their dynamic hasn’t changed at all, because dextera knows no other way to be. ]
No, it is not... if he is the one in power, should he not be the one to change to fix it? I would think so. I only wish you would not be so close to his spines. If he were to prick you... I am not sure I can heal you.
[ his brother is so reasonable. maybe this is what sitting in a tower for a decade will do for you—for as much as he knows his brother is imperfect and stunted, he’s wise. his backbone has been forged out of necessity. dextera is barely holding himself together. ]
I understand… what Doctor Angelicus must have felt.
[ love and fear. some hate. and so many other things he can’t begin to describe. ]
[ He knows he is hypocritical in some ways. In some ways, he knows he too is bad for his brother despite his desperate feelings of wanting to tether himself to him. Despite the bit of spite he feels, knowing his brother will only listen to him with one ear in this situation.
His heart -- their heart -- had been stained by that man long ago.]
And you know what became of her... How her baroque had become grotesque.
[ …it’s not a very generous memory of angelicus, but it’s true. she was warped by her conflicting ideals. if dextera were still in that world, he wonders what shape his baroque would begin to take. ]
[ it’s not selfish. there’s something satisfying for dextera in hearing sinistra claim them to be, at least in this way, the same. he’s still trying so hard to move away from that line of thinking—that they’re one—but at times like these, it’s a comfort to know he’s not alone in himself. ]
I’m sorry. [ softly, as he clings now to his brother’s side. ] I’m not trying to make us hurt.
[ He turns his head and presses a kiss to his brother's brow and squeezes him gently. He isn't sure he can keep forgiving him for his waning resistance when he knows, in secret, he himself is trying so hard to distract that man and sate him. It's not like Dextera knows that. It's not like he'd TELL him. But in Sinistra's warped reality, some part of him feels he should sense his efforts.
Still, he'll keep trying, hoping that he can do something to stop his brother from being totally absorbed by that man again. ]
I understand... it is something to be aware of... I want you to try. For your sake more than mine.
[ dextera just wonders who among the three of them will break first. they’re all delicate in their own ways, and they all three cracked a long time ago. the archangel has the illusion of control now, but that will only last as long as dextera lets it—and dextera might not be able to maintain it for much longer, either.
saying that, though, is like admitting a loss. so he keeps it to himself, just as sinistra has his own secrets. ]
[ It's a fair concern. Cohabitation with the Archangel is hazardous for both of them. Sinistra wants to be strong against his whims, but he has more weaknesses than he cares to admit. There are marks and bruises on both of them from fighting. It's a constant stand off with the occasional faltering from Sinistra when he's needy, lonely. Moments he's ashamed of later.
He knows his brother also teeters on the edge of two extremes. It's three bodies, balancing each other, doomed to fall the moment one missteps.
He holds tighter to his brother. ]
Ah... of course. I have a lot of time to make up for. To learn to be a good older brother for you.
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[ it's hard not to insinuate that that man should just jump off a cliff, but it's what he wants to do. He gives Dextera a gentle squeeze.]
He has always needed you and always had power over you... Even from my limited view in that place... I knew. Your dynamic is unchanging. Only your awareness has grown.
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…is it my fault?
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I understand… what Doctor Angelicus must have felt.
[ love and fear. some hate. and so many other things he can’t begin to describe. ]
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His heart -- their heart -- had been stained by that man long ago.]
And you know what became of her... How her baroque had become grotesque.
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Yes.
[ he sighs. ]
Yes, I do. I know.
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It may be selfish, but your happiness is also mine. And also... Also, a brother wants to see his brother safe, I think. I think. That is normal.
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I’m sorry. [ softly, as he clings now to his brother’s side. ] I’m not trying to make us hurt.
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Still, he'll keep trying, hoping that he can do something to stop his brother from being totally absorbed by that man again. ]
I understand... it is something to be aware of... I want you to try. For your sake more than mine.
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saying that, though, is like admitting a loss. so he keeps it to himself, just as sinistra has his own secrets. ]
I will try.
[ his quiet, almost childish voice. ]
Thank you, brother.
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He knows his brother also teeters on the edge of two extremes. It's three bodies, balancing each other, doomed to fall the moment one missteps.
He holds tighter to his brother. ]
Ah... of course. I have a lot of time to make up for. To learn to be a good older brother for you.